So here it is. We are on the verge of the ending of 2010 and the start of 2011. I am feeling a little mixed this new year's eve because a huge part of me hates to see 2010 end. Why? Because it was simply the most amazing, incredible and wonderful year ever and now it is gone. But as I move forward into the new year, I can look back on this past year with nothing but a smile on my face as the memories made this year are so fond and amazing. I also have learned so much this year about myself and I have taken such huge strides in my personal life to get on the track to true happiness and peace. The steps I have taken have been rough in spots and forced me to do some serious gut checking with myself. I had to face a truth that was almost impossible to face and yet I did it. I was able to do that because of the new found strength and courage I gained this year. I have grown so much as a person and that makes me so proud and so humbled all at once because it was not by my own decision to gain this new found knowledge and attain this new self-awareness about myself. I became inspired one night by a play that moved me so deeply, it forced me to unlock all those deep seeded feelings of resentment, anger and hurt that I had never truly come to terms with and was carrying around with me like chains on my heart. The darkness was finally revealed and I was able to face it all and confront it all. By doing that, I was able to move past all that negative stuff and am finally able to start to heal and move on from all that shit that was only holding me back. I am a new person. I have been born again in such a profound way and I am so grateful for that. And it is completely due to me watching the play underneathmybed. Every word written and every single scene of that play touched me in the deepest parts of my being and made me wake up to all the stuff that had been going on deep inside me that was controlling my life. I always wondered to myself why can't I break free of this anger and this rage. Why am I so sad all the time no matter what I do. Why do I feel so angry all the time? I knew the answers to none of that. I was lost, walking around aimlessly and hopelessly searching. Then, out of nowhere, it all hit me like a ton of bricks and I just kept having new truths revealed to me that I couldn't run from or deny any longer. I was forced to face the demons I had inside and in so doing, I was set free. I felt the weight I had been carrying with me lift off of me and it was almost immediate. It was such an amazing feeling to have the chains be unlocked around my soul and that I was able to finally step out of the darkness and into the light. I truly cannot express with any words out there how different I feel now. And people who have known me for years can bear witness to this transformation of mine. They even comment on how different I seem to be, especially how I handle myself now when things that before would have set me off on a temper tantrum of epic proportions. I just smile and tell them that I have changed. My whole perspective is different and so now I behave differently than I did before. It is called growth and I experienced it this year in a monumental way. I only hope that with the dawn of a new year, that only continues to be the case. I know I have a long way to go on this path to being the very best of who I am and I know that I will fall back into old and familiar patterns and still make the same mistakes as before. I also know that when that happens again, I will handle it far better and will come out of it stronger and better. Life is all about growth and change. The more we grow, the more we change. And the more things change, the more we grow. It is the natural process of life and I am now aware of that cycle and can consciously commit to making it a path of progression, instead of a path of regression. So here is to hoping that 2011 will simply be a carry over of the journey I started in 2010. I believe that with lots of focus and lots of dedication, I can go farther along this amazing new path to get to that place of pure, unadulterated bliss. I am going to give everything I have inside and I know that I will continue to grow daily as I learn more and experience more. I don't know that I can ever be more inspired than I was in October of 2010, but I know that no matter what, the doorway that opened itself up to me that ngiht will forever be one of the most poignant and significant moments of my life.
I hope each of you finds love, peace, and prosperity in 2011!!!
Happy New Year to all and be safe!!!
Mel
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