The Truth About Forgiveness

Hey everyone. I hope this finds you all in good spirits and in good weather. I had a heck of a time yesterday morning getting home due to the half an inch of ice that came down overnight in my area. I really don't like winter weather ever but especially not when it involves driving and walking on straight ice. But, I got home safely in one piece and I hope the same for everyone else.

Now as for the topic of today's blog, I would like to expand on what I was talking about yesterday. I have undergone a huge metamorphosis in my life in the past year and I have learned a lot about myself and the truth about certain things in life that I had been hiding from and ignorant about. One of the biggest things I have understood recently is the true meaning of forgiveness. I have always thought of forgiveness as someone coming up to you and seeking it from you. And I also thought that forgiveness was something an indiviual earned. I always thought of forgiveness being about the person who wronged the other person earning the other person's forgiveness. But now I realize that is not what forgiveness is about at all. Forgiveness really has nothing to do with the other person. It is about you and your ability to let things go and move past them.

I am sure you are asking yourself how in the hell can forgiveness have nothing to do with the other person? Isn't forgiveness about the other person apologizing to you and being sincere about hurting you? The answer is no. To forgive someone is about you choosing to no longer let that anger, that hurt, that resentment weigh you down and keep you from truly being happy and at peace. To not forgive someone only hurts you again in the end. If you don't forgive someone, then it keeps you held down and a prisoner of anger and hurt. Forgiveness is the key to breaking free and fnding true and everlasting peace.

I am not trying to say that it is an easy thing to forgive someone, especially when that person never even acknowledges they hurt you or wronged you. It is one of the hardest things to do in life to forgive and move on but like I said, forgiveness is not condoning what they did and it is not saying that it is okay what they did or that you agree with it. It is just a realization that no matter how bad what they did to you was, you can't change it. No matter how angry you are or how hurt you are, no amount of bitching about how you got screwed over or how badly you got treated will change it. It is in the past and all you can do is let it go. Don't hold onto all that stuff because, trust me, it will weigh you down and keep you from reaching the good places you seek. I know from first hand experience how deeply your anger and resentment can go and ultimately how bad it is for your own well being. I used to be a mean, angry, vengeful, and hateful person all the time. I was never in a good mood. I would get angry, and I mean in a full fledged blind rage about things and become uncontrollable. It scared other people as they always walked on eggshells around me. Hell, it scared me because I couldn't trust myself when I got like that. I didn't like that I acted that way but I couldn't help it. I had no clue why I was so full of rage but I was.

And then one day, something happened to make me go and unlock a door deep inside of me that was holding the secret to why I was the way I was. I was holding in anger and resentment towards my mother and my father and I was pissed off at how bad my childhood was. I hated that I didn't have the life I felt I deserved. I felt short changed and like life had treated me unfairly. I walked around with the largest chip ever on my shoulder and I felt like I was justified in my anger and so I took it out on anything or anyone rather than deal with it. By dealing with it, I had to admit to myself that I was just as much to blame as anyone else for my situation. I was using it as an excuse to not move forward and seek something better. I was being held back and some of that was on me. I was being the victim and I was enjoying playing the part. But the day that door was unlocked and slammed open in my face forced me to face these facts. I had to take accountablity for my situation just as much as my mother and anyone else I held responsible for my life being so terrible. And the fact is, I was being stubborn when I refused to let it go because I love being right and I can't stand to be wrong so that was creating an inability to forgive people for mistakes. I felt like if they wronged me, that made them the bad guy and me the good guy and that is just not true.

So, as I faced all this truth, I began to understand that the only way I was going to move on and be better and be happy and healthy was to forgive. And by forgiving it wasn't me absolving anyone of any sins. It was a conscious choice on my part to let it all go and accept it for what it was. I can never go back and make it different and so why complain about it? It was simply time for me to grow the fuck up and stop bitching. And since I have done that two months ago, I am a different person. I am better. I no longer carry all that anger and rage inside of me. I am in a much better mood and I find myself not getting so annoyed and/or pissed off as easy at the things that used to set me off big time. It really is amazing when I think on it how much our subconscious can lock away and keep from us yet all that stuff still surfaces in self-destructive, dangerous ways. If I didn't choose to forgive, I would never find the good things in life. Not forgiving someone only hurts you in the end. It makes you a bitter, hateful, miserable person that drags everyone else around you down as well. It doesn't help the situation. It only makes it worse. And I know you may say  if they don't say they are sorry, then why is it up to me to forgive them? Because you forgive them to set yourself free, not the other way around. I don't believe in being fake or phony so I am not telling you to forgive if you don't truly feel it is for the best. But, in my case, it is for the best. I have been swimming around in the ocean of pain, anger and resentment for so long, I have nearly drowned on several occasions. And it is just not worth dying over in my opinion. I no longer see forgiveness as something that is earned by the person who committed the wrongs against you, but its you choosing to not let that sin committed against you destroy you. Let it go and move on. I can tell you from first hand experience, it will make you a happier, more at peace, less angry, and better person. And that is why you choose the path of forgiveness no matter how hard it may seem at the time. You can't continue to carry all that hatred around with you if you ever want to live a good and fulfilling life. So, in the end the question to forgive is not about the other person and if they are sorry but it is about you and how you want to live your life. That is the choice that you have to make for yourself.