Time For Change Is Now

As I watch the wall to wall never ending, non stop coverage of the atrocious events of today, I am hit with this single, solitary, isolated thought: It’s time for change. The status quo isn’t working. To sit here and watch the breaking news on all the channels and act like I haven’t seen this play out before or as if I haven’t heard the story before is not accurate. We’ve all seen it before. We’ve all heard it before. Why did this happen? How could this happen? What a crazy lunatic psycho. How evil. We mourn the dead. We cry. We pray. And we talk. We say a lot of things. But words are only words. They are lip service. We talk. And every single word we say is empty, hollow and meaningless. The blood is still spilled. The dead are still dead. The children are still crying. The guns are still locked and loaded. In fact, I'm certain the sale of guns will peak right after what has happened. So if we are going to talk, we must talk about something real, something substantive. And we must do it right now. It’s not politicizing. It’s not in poor taste. It’s not disrespecting the victims. It’s honoring them. It’s mourning the way they were lost, unfairly, needlessly and senselessly. We owe it to them to have this discussion and to come up with a solution. And that solution is change. I don’t want to hear that guns don’t kill people—people kill people. I am aware of that. And I am not naïve enough to think that becoming stricter on gun availability and accessibility will curtail the gun violence completely. I know it won’t.  I agree that if somebody wants to kill somebody and do bad things, they will find a way to do it. But there is not one good reasonable explanation for any civilian to be able to carry and purchase semi-automatic handguns and assault rifles. The only thing these weapons are for is to inflict pain upon humans. I come from a hunting family. I grew up around a hunting culture. And there is not one animal I know that one of these weapons or one of the extended magazine clips is needed for. Not one. The only thing being hunted down in that instance is humans. I also believe that saying guns don’t kill people people kill people is a huge giant bullshit cop out on taking any accountability. It’s acquiescing the criminals and is the equivalent of looking the other way while they spray their bullets. It’s enabling in its simplest form.  While having a discussion today, I heard two people tell me that it’s all free will. People will find a way to harm others if that’s their intent. While I can’t argue that point, I do say we can make it more difficult for them to inflict such damage. I’m not talking about banning all guns. I believe in the constitution and the right to bear arms. It’s a fundamental right of this country. But you know what else I believe in? I believe in a child’s right to go to school without being shot. I believe in the right to go to a theater or shopping mall or house of worship without being shot. I believe in the right to walk down the street without being shot. At what point do we say that our right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is being infringed upon by people with license to carry and conceal. You have the freedom to carry a gun and fire for your protection. But what about my protection from you? Does that right not count as much? I have heard some other people say that the problem isn’t that we need to restrict guns so tragedies that happen aren’t so commonplace, but that more people need to carry. If only more people were armed in that theater or at Congresswoman Giffords public event or in that shopping mall the damage wouldn’t have been so severe. So what about today? What are they going to say now? Arm our six year olds before they go to kindergarten each day? Teach them to shoot first and run later? What is wrong with us for that to be our solution? How is that a sane or rational or reasonable response to these senseless acts of violence? I find myself disturbed by this reaction. And then it hits me: this is part of the problem. The culture of this country is part of the problem these things happen. Now don’t get me wrong, the only ultimate one responsible is the culprit of these atrocities. They deserve the blame. But to think that they are the only problem or that there are no other issues that help create these tragedies is just living in a fantasy world devoid of truth. We think the answer to violence is more violence. We believe that we protect ourselves by buying more ammo and bigger guns. That’s what we cultivate. We teach that to each other by each action we take. And make no mistake about it, inaction is much an action as anything else. To sit back quietly and say guns don’t kill people, people kill people is being a passive accomplice. To have evil prevail, all that must occur is for good people to sit back and do nothing and just accept the status quo as it is and say it will never change. They say change won’t work. How do we know that unless we try? We know that our current landscape isn’t working. In fact, it’s getting worse. The number of gun related deaths is on the significant and substantial rise. The violence is simply getting worse and more blood is being spilled as our collective consciences are being desensitized each time one of these incidents occur. We begin to believe our fate. We think nothing will change. But we must try. We cannot continue down this path we are on. We will not survive it. Our children will continue to die and cry and shed tears and blood. And is that what we want our legacy to be? That we just became silent on things that matter? “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent on the things that matter.” Martin Luther King was correct when he said this. Our morality and our humanity has decayed and deteriorated to the point of no return. We have become divorced of decency and compassion. We have become numb to all of this. And it has to change. Nobody who wants to see change wants to see guns banned. Or the large majority doesn’t. We just want to see stricter and more regulated laws on the books. Right now, it’s easier to get a semi-automatic handgun and to buy bullets than it is to get cold medicine or to vote.What’s wrong with us? Where have our values gone? Why are we so behind the rest of the world? Look at so many other countries and ask what are they doing right that we are screwing up so royally? What is so different between them and us? We have nearly as many deaths each year from gun related violence as other countries would have in years. Why is Canada or Australia or England so different? They have guns. They have people with guns. Why do they not have the gun violence we do? I don’t know. I honestly don’t. But they are doing something right. Let’s figure out their model and try to model it. Regulating guns is not a bad thing. It’s not unconstitutional. In fact, the exact wording of the second amendment is: A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed. The key word everyone always wants to overlook or pass over is well regulated. Even our founding fathers knew that the right to bear and keep arms had its limitations. They wanted such a right to be regulated. And also it talks about militia. That means members of the militia which today are members of the military and the police force. So if you go by the very words of the second amendment, regulation should be established for citizens rights to bear arms. And also, let’s keep in mind that when our founding fathers established the constitution they had muskets and cannons. They didn’t have uzis or AK-47s or .9mm or Glocks or rocket launchers. The key to maintaining the constitution is to understand that as society grows and evolves and changes, so can the words and interpretations of the constitution. It’s called progress. And it’s easy to hold onto old ways of thinking but sometimes we must face the cold, hard, brutal truth set before us: that old way of doing things doesn’t work any longer. Too many people are being murdered, too much blood is being spilled, and too much violence is paralyzing us as a nation. We need to adjust. We need to modify. That’s what life is all about. It’s about learning from our past mistakes and from not maintaining the status quo just because it’s easier than taking a stand and demanding change. What changes can be made? I don’t know. I don’t have the answers. I am just like everyone else. I am confused, I am shaken to my core with my confidence and my faith, I am finding my hope is barely hanging on as each day passes, and I am mad as hell also; mad at the perpetrators who carry out such evil atrocities towards fellow men, women, and as we saw today even children. But we can’t just get mad and get sad and then do nothing. The victims are owed more than our sorrow or our condolences or our refusal to even discuss making changes. They deserve and command our undivided attention. They need us to start communicating and discussing and finding something different, something better. We cannot keep pretending that the current way of life is working. It’s in need of serious alterations. And let’s not fool ourselves into thinking that we can ever eradicate the evil that exists in our society completely or that the perverse and macabre will disappear if we work hard enough to stop it. It will still exist. I am not naïve enough to think that. I am a God fearing person and I know that as long as there is life on earth, evil will exist. I understand that. I even accept that. But I won’t accept us just thinking we can’t do everything in our power to reduce and subvert the evil as much as we can. We are soldiers of the Almighty and we must do our part. It won’t be easy. There are no easy answers. There are no easy questions. But we must find a way. I am still hurting so much from today’s events and my sorrow won’t seem to ease up at all. I keep thinking of my own nieces who are in school and what I would do if it were them who had been victims. And I know that they now have to go to school with that fear in the back of their minds. And I'm not complacent enough to think it won't happen where I live. It can and will happen anywhere and if we don't take a stand right now to make a change it will happen here someday. I can’t even begin to imagine that scenario but I also know that that is what motivates me to stand up and say enough is enough. Not one more child can be lost to this senseless heartless violence. Not one more ounce of blood can be shed in this country from an innocent bystander caught with the bullet of a mad man. And we cannot keep going on this sick cycle carousel. It’s nauseating and sickening. We need to find a way to end the suffering and to obtain a new normal. We must try and expand our mental health outreach to find some people struggling with their inner demons and monsters who eventually reach their breaking point and decide to take out as many with them as they can and create as much carnage as humanly possible. We need to focus on getting those lost souls help before they grab the gun as the medication or as their solution. We have to make it harder for people to acquire ammunition and weapons. And we need to ban semi-automatic assault weapons which serve no purpose on earth besides bringing about death, depravity and chaos. It is time people. We must take a stand. I’m going to quote a Michael Jackson song and ask how many victims must there be slaughtered in vain across the land  and how many children have to die before we stand to lend a healing hand? Every day we are creating our history and writing our legacy. And our actions as well as our inaction and our screams as well as our silence will be written in the books for future generations to read and know. How do we want that history and legacy to look? When you look in the mirror ask yourself that question. What is my legacy going to be? What will they learn about me and from me? Can you live with yourself when you say guns don’t kill people but people kill people and just enable the perversity and malice to keep happening? I understand the sentiment. I do. At the end of the day, we are all individually responsible for our actions. But we are also here to help each other out as much as we can. I believe it isn’t just a kind thing to do but the right and moral thing to do. Are we going to really just sit back and stay silent and wash our hands of it by accepting the status quo? Are we okay with more innocence being lost and stolen far too prematurely? Are we okay with the blood pouring out of bodies? Because we all wear the stains of those lost when we choose to do nothing to change things. I sincerely hope and pray that we can all come together and unite to find the answers and be the solution. I also sincerely believe that in life, you are either part of the problem or you are a part of the solution and that you either get it or you don’t. I want us all to be the solution and to get it. Join me won’t you and make my sincerest belief the reality of the times. 

We’re innocently standing by
Watching people lose their lives
It seems as if we have no voice
It’s time for us to make a choice
They’ve gotta hear it from me
They’ve gotta hear it from you
They’ve gotta hear it from us
We can’t take it we’ve already had enough

Those lyrics from Michael Jackson’s song We’ve Had Enough has been echoing in my head all day since this news first broke. And it’s the truth. We have had enough and we have to raise our voice. We must stand up together as one and unite. Because as he also says in the song “there’s nothing that can’t be done if we raise our voice as one” so let’s stand up and lift up and do it for all the victims of violence---not just today but every day before. They deserve that from us. We must speak for them since they can’t speak for themselves any longer. Will you stand with me today? Let’s look at the man in the mirror and make that change. I believe in us. Do you believe in us too?

In honor of all the victims of violence in CT and all around the world.

Rest in Peace

Sharing Some Poetry

I am a writer. I write lots of different things as I value diversity and versatility. But my first love is poetry. Has been and always will be. So I just thought I'd share a few of my many many poems with you today. This is just a small sampling. Very small.

Can somebody explain this to me

How exactly this came to pass

Sitting here drowning in mediocrity

With only my visions of the past

Hey there old familiar friend

Why didn’t you call me first

To let me know this is the end

At least then it wouldn’t hurt

I cannot figure out how it went wrong

One moment in ecstasy

Then the tragic end of the song

Colors are never quite so clear

As when you stand alone in the dark of night

Could there be an escape plan formed

To turn this plane around and retake the flight

Or am I gonna sit here in judgment from the liars chair

For the rest of eternity never being able to move on

The sanctimony of those with self-righteous indignation

Chills me to my fucking very last bone

Why do they gotta be so repulsive and evil

Is there no second chances involved in this land

Maybe if this is the truth of the matter

I will never be able to care or to understand

The strangers that look at me with such disgrace

Are no longer men of mystery

I see myself in their hollowed out eyes

And begin to swallow my own self-pity

For that is all I have left now

The only truth that is to be revealed

Is whether or not I continue to believe

Or will it forever remain unsealed

Only god truly knows the answer

DONT FEED THE MONSTER

Infiltrate, fabricate, annihilate

That is your creed

Why do you sell yourselves out

For power and greed

You’d sell your own soul

You’d dirty your own mind

If your ends justify your means

You will leave all the good behind

You are sick and full of lies

The hypocrisy is never ending

The deliberation of your malignancy

Is now what is considered trending

Suppress the truth while promoting lies

And falsifying the facts of the matter

You are devils in human form

Trying to divide us all and then scatter

Your filth is infecting our souls

A little more each and every hour

The pervasive narrative is the majority

And it’s gaining more and more power

I am sick to my stomach, can hardly stand

What is happening to all of humanity

Have we gone mad and lost our minds

Our sense of honor and morality

Why do we let you corrupt us

With such impure and dirty speak

Do we really have no reason left

Are we so despondent and weak

I can’t even watch it anymore

Its becoming too grotesque to see

If something is not done soon

We are all headed toward anarchy

Drinking Binge

I drink when my life is heaven

I drink when my life is hell

I drink when I feel sick

I drink when I feel well

I drink in times of joy

I drink in times of sorrow

I drink for the memory of yesterday

I drink to the hopes and fears of tomorrow

I drink to feel good

I drink to feel bad

I drink more than I should

And I drink until I go mad

I drink for my past

To escape it and forget

I drink for my present

So I can feel content

I drink for my future

As yet unknown pathway

So I don’t give into the fear

That holds me back from breaking away

I drink to gain control

Of my fragile sanity

And I drink to numb my soul

So I don’t have such clarity

I drink because I like alcohol

The taste of liquor so sweet

It is the best friend I have

The greatest friend I will ever meet

It doesn’t judge me at all

Or label me in any way

Booze let’s me step up to the call

And doesn’t get in my way

I love drinking and getting wasted out of my motherfucking mind

It is far superior to being sober

And feeling as if I have been left behind

RECOVERY

Im an addict

Yes I admit

I am unable to stop

And am unwilling to quit

I haven’t had a drink today

I am stone cold sober

I am not walking around

In a drunken stupor

Or with that cloudy haze

In my eyes or head

I haven’t been straight

In years but messed up instead

I can’t remember

The last time I was whole

Without a substance

Being in control

Of my mind

And my sanity

I can’t believe

I am able to see

So much more clearly

Through this new set of eyes

It’s brighter outside

Than I was able to realize

I want to live

And I want to be happy

I want to do so much

I want to find my humanity

What I lost so long ago

By my inability to cope

Here I sit in sober silence

With optimism and hope

SWEET BLISS

There is no bliss quite like this

A feeling so pure and sweet

It’s like the very first kiss

Of that someone special you meet

You just know it in your heart

And feel it in your soul

That how you two have taken your start

Is the best memory you will ever know

Two hearts joined as one that day

The love felt in a quiet instant of pleasure

All the words that a person can say

Is not nearly enough to measure

There is no bliss quite like this

And there will never be again

The taste of that sweet kiss

Will linger on until eternity’s end

LOVE SONG OF MY SOUL

And to the depths of my soul

You complete me and

You make me feel whole

How I lived my life before

You were in it is a mystery

I was so alone and isolated

I was living in such agony

Then I found you and it all changed

My whole perspective was different

I began to see things another way

And I will never ever forget

The way my life changed that first day

You and I had our first meeting of the soul

And since then, how we have been bonded

And never again will I lose my self-control

Since you have a way with me

And are able to keep me grounded so much

I will never be the same again

And that thought makes me so grateful for your every touch

You are my angel

You are my life

I will always love you

And will never again feel such strife

So this is my love poem to you

Instead of a song or a letter I could never send

The words written are the song of my soul

Which is at peace without an end

IN SPITE OF YOU

You told me I couldn’t

And I said I will

You told me I shouldn’t

And yet I did still

You said I’d never make it

I said watch me soar

You said I’d eventually break it

And yet I have gained even more

You wanted to hold me back

But I kept pushing ahead

You wanted to stop me by a verbal attack

But here I am on top instead

You tried desperately to keep me down

And yet here I stand

You tried desperately to knock me around

And yet I am here in victory raising my hand

                DRIFTING AWAY

Hardened inside

With no feeling

Only numbness

The mind goes reeling

At the desolate darkness

And the deep solitude

There is nothing left

Creating a bad attitude

Look for something

Anything to cling to

If only there was a reason to hope

To make it through

To the other side

And find the light

And bask in its infinite glory

And know that everything is all right

Oh if only that were true

And the darkness would dissipate

But it won’t as it’s not temporary

And your heart is ready to anticipate

The hurt caused by others

The pain in your chest

You can’t trust anyone

And you can’t let your past rest

So you drift

Endlessly and aimlessly

Just looking for a place

To rest your head

And a warm embrace

Seems impossible

To find a refuge at all

It seems to be hopeless

As if nobody hears your call

You cry so many tears

You weep all night long

You can’t believe you

Can’t right a simple wrong

And you just drift

Farther and farther away

Until you no longer

Have anything to say

Okay well thats enough for now. I'll leave you with these. But there are plenty more where these came from and they just keep coming

Until next time
Mel

Why this Election Matters

Hello everybody. I come to  you today on a very important and vital day for our country. Today we must make a choice and decide on which direction we want this country to go. We must also choose which leader we believe will lead us in the direction we seek. Today is election day. It's something every American should look forward to and should be passionate about. You have a voice. You must not be afraid to use it. I firmly believe that if you do not vote, you do not matter. I can't stand when people do nothing but bitch, moan and complain about the direction of this country when they didn't get their behinds in the ballot box. You can't have it both ways. You don't like something,its up to you to change it. Now you may say I'm just one person. I won't matter. With an attitude like that, I feel sorry for you because you will never get very far in life. You may be one person but if you have passion and commitment to a cause and you use those to raise your voice, you will create change. You can make a difference. I don't want you to vote because I said so. I want you to vote because it is your birthright. I want you to vote because of all the blood, sweat and tears that many generations before us shed. I want you to vote because of the courageous men and women who have fought for our continued freedom in order to walk to the ballot box and choose our representatives. I want you to vote for them. Now, with that out of the way, I have to be honest and tell you that I hope that you vote for the best man for the job of the office of president: Barack Obama. I'll be blunt. I don't like Mitt Romney. I don't trust him. He panders to whomever he thinks he needs to pander to at the moment. He's like that guy who will tell agree with you that the sky is blue. Then he comes along to me and I tell him the sky is orange and he agrees with me. Then he goes to my neighbor who tells him the sky is purple with pink polka dots and he agrees with that. The man is a flip flopper extradanoire. He is committed to nothing except winning the office of Presidency. I don't believe he even wants the job to lead or help this country out. I think he wants it because its that shiny new car he sees in the showroom that he just has to have because he feels entitled to it. He doesn't care about us regular folks. I don't just think this, I know this. How? Because he said so himself. In that now infamous videotape he tells those financial backers that forty seven percent of the people he would be leading if he was in fact elected are lazy, worthless bums who sit around using government money needlessly and have no personal responsibility at all. He doesn't care about those people. And he has contempt for them. Don't take my word for it. Take his. In the words of Maya Angelou, when someone shows you who they are the first time-believe them. I believe Mitt. There is another saying that says character is who you are when you think nobody is watching.  Once again, I believe this is the real Mitt. He revealed himself to me and many many others. Don't deny it. Don't spin it. Just believe it. The bible tells us that we shall know them by their fruits. Mitt's fruit is rotten to the core. That's the truth. I don't just not like Mitt Romney because he's rich or because he's a Republican. I don't like him because he cannot be trusted at all and he is not fit to be the leader of this country. He has proven this by his many actions and many words. Yes, I do admit I love and support Barack Obama. He has done many things I agree with and am proud of, most notably he signed the Lily Ledbetter act into law which made it a crime to not give women equal pay for equal work, he repealed Don't Ask Don't Tell the awful discriminatory policy of the military which made soldiers keep a part of themselves secret even though they were fighting for everyone's freedom, he gave the order to take out Osama Bin Laden a mission ten years in the making that evaded and eluded the George Bush admininstration for almost all of its tenure, and he stood up for marriage equality by stating in no uncertain terms that gay people have the rights to the very same marriages as straight people. This man has done so much for this country and has moved us forward. If Mitt Romney is elected, he will not only erase all that progress we have made in the past four years, he will take us back to the days where women are slaves to men. He wants women to have to carry their rapists baby. He wants to take away a woman's fundamental right to choose what happens to her body. He wants women to be treated unfairly in the workforce. He wants gays and lesbians to be outcast and not be allowed to have the same fundamental rights as straights. He wants this country to go back to a place that many generations before us bled and died to eradicate for us and our future. We cannot go back to that place. We can't. I know maybe you think I'm being way too melodramatic but I am not. I fear where this country is headed if Mitt Romney gets elected. That's quite honestly my greatest nightmare and its a place I don't think I want to be. I love this country. I love it so much that if Romney somehow is elected, I will cry hysterically at the scenario. Mitt Romney being elected is the worst thing that happen to this country. Period. And if he is, and we get put back in the dark ages in America, well congratultions go out to the Republicans for building that. A place I will no longer be proud to call my home.

This is my opinion. You are more than welcome to disagree. That's what makes America great.
Until next time
Mel

The Truth Shall Prevail

I don't know if I have stated before just how big a fan of Michael Jackson I am but I will do it now for sure. I love him. He inspires me so much and has helped changed my life in so many profound ways. He was the most beautiful, amazing, incredible man with the most beautiful soul. I feel so privileged and honored to have been able to share the world with him for a little bit, even if we never met. To live in the same time as he did is a total blessing to me. Any future children I have will listen to his music, will understand his philantrophy and his message, and will be introduced to his incredible legacy. That brings me to the point of this blog. Michael Jackson's legacy. And yes, his legacy as a musical icon and legendary status is unquestioned and irrevocable. That will not change. The man was the greatest entertainer and performer of my lifetime and another like him will come along again never. But there is another part of his legacy that I want to help repair. I want to vindicate him of these false allegations which has led to false labelling, false judgments and has destroyed a large part of his legacy unfairly and unjustly. Martin Luther King Jr. once said "injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere" and he was right. If somebody somewhere has been mistreated and had injustice committed against them, it affects the rest of the world and threatens justice worldwide. I bring this up because many people ask why keep harping on MJ? He's dead, he won't be able to come back, just let it go. Well, here's the thing. I won't let it go. I can't let it go for the principle of the matter. Truth matters. Justice matters. And just because somebody dies doesn't mean we just forget about the injustice that was done to them. We can't just turn our heads and walk away and shrug our shoulders as if it no longer matters what the truth of the situation was. MJ was an incredible, generous, compassionate human being who was constantly being used and manipulated by people who surrounded him. Whenever they looked at Michael, they saw dollar signs-not a beautiful  man with a beautiful soul. And because of this, a grave injustice occurred. He was robbed. Of many things, but mostly his dignity and his honor. People now looked at him with suspicion, with shame, with disgust and with disdain. And he didn't deserve it. There are many facts out there that lead to the truth if people are interested and open minded enough to find it. And there is far more to Michael Jackson the man than the myth and the caricature the media portrayed him to be. I am above all else in life, a justice and truth seeker. I want to know the truth and I will not stop seeking it simply because somebody who I feel has been dealt injustice is no longer here to see the day the truth comes out. The thing about the truth is its absolute and its undeniable and unequivocal. You can try to hide it, suppress it, deny it or manipulate it but, as Buddha says three things will always rise-the sun, the moon and the truth. The truth is like our shadow. It follows us wherever we go. We cannot out run it. Wherever we go, it goes as well. I look back throughout history and I see tons of injustice served on many people. How many men have been executed only to later be exonerated by evidence? Why bother as some say? Because to that person's family, it means everything that though he is no longer with them, they could at least clear up his good name and bring some type of justice to his memory. The truth is the truth-always. Even if it takes decades to come out, it will prevail. And to Michael Jackson's family and to all those who love him as I do, his innocence of any wrong doing coming out so he can be fully and completely vindicated matters as much now as it did while he was alive. He may not be here to see the day when it happens, but that doesn't mean that day shouldn't happen now. That doesn't mean we should give up the fight and let it go and move on. In fact, it means we need to fight even harder for justice and for vindication. He can no longer fight for himself so it's up to us to see this through. I compare it to seeing somebody bullied on the playground but nobody believes the one being bullied. You know they were bullied but the bullies lie and manipulate and use misinformation to turn the tables and make the victim seem like the perpetrator. Now this is a grave injustice that must be overturned and reversed for the sake of not only the victim of it but for the rest of society. We must overcome injustices done to people. It may not be popular and we will be hit with resistance from many people who don't want to see the truth come out for fear that they were wrong about it from the start. The road is long and full of challenges. It won't be easy. But anything worth having is never easy. And restoring Michael Jackson's legacy to eradicate the injustice done to him is worth it. The reward is knowing that a wrong has been righted. Whether that happens today, tomorrow, next year or fifty years from now, it still matters. I won't let it go just because he's dead now and nothing will change that fact. I know we can't bring him back to life. That's not what this is about. It's simply about seeking the justice that eluded him during the last years of his life so that one day his children can have the satisfaction of knowing that the truth has set their father free-completely and totally. So, those of you who ask this question, there's your answer. I am sure you guys who ask this are the ones who believe the myth and the lies perpetuated against him by the media. I am sure you all don't want the truth to be revealed for having to face yourselves in the mirror and know that you had a part in the crucifixion of an innocent man. You have to live with the knowledge that you too share in the soul murder of this extraordinary human being. You have to see in your eyes the reality that you have some of his blood on your hands. I understand your plight. You want to run away and put your head in the sand and ignore these facts. You want to escape the inevitability of the truth because you can't handle the truth. But once again I say the truth will prevail in the end. It always does. Whether you want it to or not, it will rise to the surface and all the lies will be destroyed eventually. And that is why those of us who continue to pursue justice and truth for Michael Jackson will not relent and will not let it go nor will we ever move on. It is our responsibility to right this wrong and to turn the tide of manipulation around. We shall overcome all of the naysayers and the doubters and the cynics some day. Because lies only run sprints, whereas the truth runs marathons.

Proud and dedicated fan of Michael Joseph Jackson who will never stop fighting to restore his legacy
Mel

Innocent Until PROVEN guilty

Innocent until proven guilty. Its a basic constitutional right among all of us here in America and should be considered the top right for anyone in the world. People should have the presumption of innocence always until or unless proven otherwise. But that is just a myth. We are not a society that upholds this basic human right. Instead, we pronounce somebody guilty without any substantive evidence at all. All it takes is for someone, no matter who, to point their finger at you and say you did something. Whether you did or didn't is irrelevant. Once they've pointed that accusatory finger, its over. You are convicted in the court of public opinion. It doesn't matter if you actually are, somebody somewhere sometime said it so it must be so. Take the recent news about Lance Armstrong. He has been bashed, berated, labeled a fraud and cheat, dismissed, and his reputation has been sullied into the ground by people who say he is guilty based on nothing else other than they "know" it to be true. No need for a trial or evidence to be presented proving their case. He's guilty because we say so. Is it because he has been so successful and has inspired so many people with his story? Is it sheer bilious envy that causes people to be so skeptical of his achievements? Is it resentment of his unmatched, unparrelled and unbelievable success? What is it inside of people that makes them so cynical of anyone reaching a high level of success? Why is the initial reaction to incredible success one of doubt? Why must it be this way? They tell me that this is simply human nature but why is doubting people the first instinct? Why is that our nature as humans? I just don't understand that way of thinking. To me, when somebody finds success like Lance Armstrong I celebrate it. I become inspired by it. I use that story to build myself up. But it seems to me I am in the small minority of people who feel this way. For some reason, it appears that the majority want to build people up only to tear them down. They kiss their cheek, stroke their backs, tell them they can achieve great heights and only to turn around to stab them in the back at the first opportunity. It's quite perverse and sadistic. It's as if we have the same mentality as those back in the days of Christ. They couldn't bear that a man was so good hearted, such a wonderful humanitarian, and was a voice of peace amongst many. So they began to falsely accuse him and label him many things, blasphemer and heretic among them. And what did they end up doing to the only perfect man to ever walk this earth? They crucified him. They were so sure of his guilt that even though they had no evidence to corrobarate their vicious claims, the majority "knowing" was enough to nail him to the cross. And it has happened again and again throughout history. Galileo was imprisoned and called a false god for his belief based upon his research that the earth revolved around the sun. Joan of Arc was burnt at the stake for her unwavering faith of God. Muhammad Ali was torn down by many for his unparalled success in the boxing rink. Michael Jackson was an incredible humanitarian, an unbelievable entertainer with the all time greatest selling album, a warm soul who wanted to heal the world, and they tore him down with vicious, false allegations of the worst kind without any shred of substantive proof of his guilt. People just "knew" he was guilty, lack of evidence be damned. And the public labeled him disgusting things even though he was never found guilty of any wrongdoing. And now they are doing the same thing to Lance Armstrong. Smearing him. Besmirching him. Dragging his name through the mud. And for what reason? Because he is the greatest cyclist of all time. For his record seven Tour De France titles. For his unbelievable success in cancer research. For his ability to inspire millions of people in the same way Michael Jackson did. And Muhammad Ali did. And Joan of Arc did. And people want to say he must be guilty because he has dropped the fight. If he was innocent, he'd keep fighting to prove his innocence. But two things wrong with this idea: firstly, I understand why he would give up the fight. Why bother when they are determined he was guilty and will make the evidence fit that agenda and secondly, it's not up to Lance to prove his innocence. It's up to his detractors to prove his guilt. He has never had a failed drug test, either blood or urine. And if they had any documentation of a failed test, we would have already known that because they would have leaked it to the media and shouted it from the roof tops. They have nothing but a few "eyewitnesses" saying they saw him inject. Well, forgive me for being cynical of this but I don't put much stock in eyewitness testimony in cases like this because people lie. For all sorts of reasons, people will say they saw things they didn't see. Let's look at the recent case of Roger Clemens where witnesses after being sworn in under the penalty of perjury couldn't say for sure what they saw or heard. People get it wrong and they can be motivated by greed, jealousy, resentment or they can be bullied into saying things against somebody if that mob of witch hunters puts enough pressure on. It happened in the Michael Jackson case. People were berated over and over again by investigators wanting something incriminating against him so they co-erced, harassed, bullied people into saying something incriminating or at least trying their damndest to. Witnesses can be manipulated. Give me something else or shut up about it. They also gave these witnesses immunity to testify against Lance. What does that tell you? It automatically makes me suspicious of their statements. They are basically telling the story they are told to say in order to get out of any type of trouble. That again is not nearly enough for me to condemn somebody who deserves much more respect and more benefit of the doubt than that. I am not willing to disregard the massive amounts of success Lance Armstrong has achieved based solely on the words of a few people who alledgedly saw things illegal. I need more. And I won't be a part of the lynch mob on this issue. I believe in a person's right to be considered innocent until proven guilty way more than that. Lance Armstrong to me is still the greatest cyclist that this world has ever seen and is still a huge inspiration for me. I am still backing him and standing behind him. And as for the lynch mob who is ready to crucify him and publically decry him as a cheat, in the words of Christ at the Crucifixion, "forgive them Father for they know not what they do".

Until next time
Mel

Downward Trend

I sit here struggling to find words, not because I have nothing to say-oh no on the contrary I have plenty to say-, its just because anything I want to say is not important. Words right now are empty, meaningless, hollow, insignificant. Words won't erase what has happened. It won't undo the damage. It won't bring anybody back to life. So here I sit in numbed silence. But not in stunned silence. Nothing about what happened in Colorado earlier this eveining. Why would it shock me? How many times has this scenario taken place before? Far too often. It happens seemingly every week. And the news replays it over and over again, regurgitating all the horror every hour until eventually we become de-sensitized by it all. And we all feel disgusted, angry, sad and we send out our thoughts and prayers to the victims and their families. We talk about how tragic it is and how the world is a terrible place sometimes. And yet, we do nothing about it. We talk and talk and talk but yet we take no action. We can all feel as sorry as we want to. We can all feel sad or disgust. But what do we do about it? We move on. Until the next time this same thing happens. I am not throwing the blame at any of us for these brutal, horrific, reprehensible acts. The individiuals who carry these violent acts out are accountable for their own despicable actions. But my point is that we do nothing in the grand scheme of things to offer up a different scenario. We talk about how things are so awful and how things need to change but do we actually take any initiative to change things? I think we all can say we don't. I am not excluding myself from this criticism. I am guilty of this as well. Is it that we just believe in our hearts that this is our fate and that there is simply nothing we can do to change any of it? That this type of violence will go on as long as there is life on this planet? Are we really that cynical? I don't know the answer but I do know it's forced me to take a good long hard look in the mirror and to really question myself. I don't like this trend we have of tragedies happening and so many people dying or suffering at the hands of another and to have the news channels do nothing but take advantage of the whole thing for ratings. They give the perpetrator exactly what they wanted when they did this unspeakable thing: notoreity. And that gives the next person with a certain degree of callous indifference an idea that grows into a plan which becomes the next big news story. It's a seemingly endless cycle of sickness. I don't know about you but I don't want to keep riding on this speeding train headed for imminent derailment. I want to find a way to stop this train. I want to find a way to save everyone from any more suffering. But if I just simply get off and let everyone else stay on that train, I will have blood on my hands also. I will have contributed to the suffering. And I don't know why we say this is all senseless, mindless violence. I think it makes sense. It's the steady downhill degradation of humanity we are in. The decay of common decency and the eradication of empathy towards others. This decline in the human condition has been happening for decades now, the morality slowly deterioating, but it seems to be happening at a much faster pace these days. Why? I don't have the answer but I know that this is the key question that must be asked. What do all of these atrocities seem to have in common? A man without a conscience, who has absolute total disregard for human life, contempt for his fellow man, and an indescrible amount of callous indifference towards anyone else. And also, a whole lot of weaponry and ammunition. How does he get his hands on these weapons is what we all ask in amazement. Well, because these type of weapons are made, manufactured and are accessible. These two things added together equals a devastatating, malicious, deadly combination. And it keeps happening. No matter what we tell ourselves or each other, no matter how often we hear it on the news, it doesn't stop. It goes on and on and on. Like I said, its a sick cycle, almost as if we are on a carousel at some diabolical carnival where individuals keep buying tickets to take their turn at causing mass chaos and complete panic. What is it going to take for this trend to be reversed? I can't do it alone. You can't do it alone. We MUST do this together. The answer isn't simple. And it won't be easy. But how many  more men, women and children have to shed blood for us to finally step up and say enough is enough. We will no longer accept this trend or this fate. We are in control of our own fate. It's up to us. Are you ready, willing and able to fight against this degradation of the human soul? I know I am. I can no longer go on living this way. It has to change. There are no more excuses to use. There isn't any more time to waste. We must act now. We must begin to turn this all around now. Lets no longer only talk about how tragic and sad it all is. Lets no longer talk at all. Lets act. I believe in my heart and know in my mind that we can undo this fate. We cannot bring any of these victims back, we cannot go back in time and erase the misery or the tragedy, but we can make sure that right here in this moment and from now on, none of them have died in vain. Lets make a change. I believe in a better world. And with all of us standing together united, it will not only be a belief of mine but a reality.

RIP to all the victims
and prayers to the families affected

Mel

Fathers Day Feelings

Father's Day. A day to celebrate with your father, who helped create you, raise you, teach you and shape you. It's a day focused on the love and importance of a father in a child's life. Should be a very happy day. But for myself, it's exactly the opposite. There is no happiness here inside of me today. Only extreme, massive and profound hurt. I dread this day every year because I know it will bring up feelings that are still so intense and powerful, it knocks me off my feet. I can still feel the raw misery in my soul as if it just happened. And I don't want to feel that way. So I don't look at Father's Day like many. I look at it and really have to prepare myself to go to that dark place.

It's been twenty years since my dad passed away. You'd think I'd be able to handle days like this now. After all time heals all wounds right? WRONG. Time will never heal this wound. I will never get over it or past it. I have simply learned through the last two decades how to deal with it and live with it. I won't ever let it go either. There are times when seemingly out of the blue my thoughts will turn to my father and my mind will be consumed with these thoughts. I can't escape them. And, while its true that as time has passed it gets easier to think of the good times and smile, I still always find myself feeling such a heaviness and tightness in my chest due to the severity of the entire situation. I was eight years old when he died and in that moment, my whole life was altered permanently. It was a life defining moment and I was too young to even grasp the magnitude of the situation. I lost my innocence that day you see. I had to grow up and become an adult and feel adult things and understand adult things and yet I wasn't psychologically ready to do that. So I was simply lost, rejected, abandoned, scared, confused and in pain. I lived my life from that point on in isolation and in darkness. The hollowed out feeling and the constant numbness I felt was my norm. I didn't know anything else. So I never had a normal childhood. But lets be clear here: I'm not playing the victim writing this. I understand that this is life and there is nothing fair about it and that there is nobody to blame for what happened to me in my childhood or that I am the only one who has the market cornered on having to deal with this situation. I get that. But I'm just being honest when I say that I have had a chip on my shoulder since that night my father died. It's true. I have been treated unfairly by life and I have a lot of issues I have to deal with because of it. I recognize my issues now and where they stem from, but that doesn't make them disappear or make the war that wages inside of me easier to win. It just gives me hope that I can find a way to deal with the issues I have at some point.

What issues am I referring to? Well, for starters there is my abandonment issue. Yes, I know that nearly everyone who has lost a parent at a young age says they have this and I'm sure some of you want to roll your eyes and go here we go again with this "excuse". I have to tell you that I understand the sentiment from those who feel that way, I do. They simply cannot understand how it feels to lose somebody so vital and fundamental to your existence and who you look up to in so many ways. Its a case of not being able to understand because of lack of experience. Trust me, I am glad they don't have this experience under their belt. I am thrilled that they will never know what it's like to be left in such utter disarray with your head spinning in complete darkness and having your entire life destroyed after a parent's death as a young child. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy because it absolutely fucking sucks. There is nothing I would wish for more than that every child to never lose a parent in their childhood. But that is a wish that cannot be granted. So I can only say that for those who have never had to deal with it, wonderful. But you'll never understand how alone you feel after a parent passes away like that. To be eight years old and have my father die enstilled deep inside of me, the deepest parts of my subconscious, that to love somebody and to invest in somebody that much and to count on them with all of your being is a waste of time because they will only leave you in the end with nothing but despair and confusion and grief. It taught me to not invest in a relationship because why bother? The other person will eventually leave. And so you put up gargantuan walls around your heart so that nobody will ever get in. If they don't get to close, when they do end up leaving, it won't hurt cause you won't really let them get to you. So nobody ever really gets close to you. But yet you still cling to a person when you find them. You have such insecurity that they will eventually leave that you want them with you all the time. You never want them out of your sight. You cling to them as if they are a life preserver. I know that this seems very antithetical and you're right, it is. They are two polar extreme opposites to feel. On one hand you never want to bother to invest in anyone or anything so you close off your heart and mind but on the other hand, you latch onto anyone or anything so much so that they don't leave. But really, it all comes back to the same thing: the fear of being abandoned, rejected, and lost like that day when your father died and non stop chaos ensued. And if your that insecure and unstable, what is going to happen in the end? They are going to leave you and prove that your right for not ever truly investing in them to begin with. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. You really sabotage your own chances at any meaningful relationship by pushing them away with your insecurity and then when they do, you get to feel justified in being close guarded. Make sense? Probably not unless you have actually gone through this yourself. Like I said earlier, if you have never experienced that type of loss in your childhood you will read this and scratch your head saying to yourself this lady is one odd duck (which is true by the way) and will just be confused and possibly upset that you took time to read this. But if you have ever gone through a similar experience, then you understand what I just wrote about completely because you've been there. And you understand the futility you feel when every relationship around you collapses, how you feel unworthy, unlovable and like your a complete failure. And how alone you really feel even if your surrounded by people. You just feel like you are trapped in a dark shell and cannot escape from it. This is the war that is waged inside of me every day guys. Pushing people away so as to not invest in them or latching onto them and becoming so dependent on them, it becomes a matter of survival (but to the people I latch on to, it feels like its obsessive and in many ways it is) to have them around. I honestly don't know what to do with this. I recognize my behavior and why I do what I do, which is only because of the 18 months of therapy, but I still find it doesn't make me stop my behavior. I guess it's just a learning process that I still leave much to be desired on.

And speaking of recognizing truths about myself, here is the whole reason I wrote this blog today on Father's Day. I have been thinking a lot lately about this (as I said earlier I dread this day every year) and a couple weeks ago marked the 20 year anniversary of my dad's death. Since that day, I have really had a hard time dealing. Moreso than in past years and I wasn't sure why. So I went to therapy and had an intensive session, I mean we dug deep. And this is the truth that I came away with from that: I am resentful of others who still have their fathers and I am envious of them. I am. I don't know why but I thought I was not that way. I thought the feelings I had around this time of the year every year were about other things, and on some level they are, but the biggest reason I have such dread and depression around this time of the year is because I hate that I never got more time with my father. I hate that I had to grow up without him, that I had to live my life with such constant sorrow, I hate that I didn't even get the chance to know him at all, and that makes me resentful of those that got all that. When I think of other daughters who get to have their dads walk them down the aisle on their wedding day or have them give a congratulatory hug after graduation or who just get to get to know their dads, it makes me so envious and so damn resentful. Why? I still ask that question. It doesn't do any good to ask that question but I do it anyway. Why did I never get to have that? What makes me inferior to others that I didn't deserve to have that as well? I can't have that and it tears me up inside. I would give anything I have to be able to have my father back and be able to have all those things. I would. And I get totally pissed off when I realize that people out there still have their fathers, the only thing I long for in this life, and yet they don't know how lucky they got it. It infuriates me to no end when I hear people say that they have a father but they don't talk to him or they don't have a relationship with him. Yes, its their choice but it makes me so angry because they still have a dad. I would switch places with them in a fucking new york minute. They don't want a dad and they don't want to cherish him-fine. I will. And to have people who have their fathers around and just don't appreciate them for what they are makes me so mad and sad and disappointed. I wouldn't do that. It's almost like a woman who can't have a child but wants one so badly who constantly sees other women who have children that they don't cherish and appreciate. It's just something you want so badly, you can't see others have it and waste it. That's how I feel when I see other children with their fathers. I know it's not fair to them to feel that way. I know I'm judging them far too harshly but I cannot help how I feel. I want my dad here and I want a relationship with him and I'm never going to get it. And that knowledge brings unbelievable pain, sadness, agony, anger, resentment and disappointment to my mind, heart and soul. So I have to simply get over it. I know that. But it's not that easy. I long for my father's touch and to be able to have a conversation with him just to get to know him. I ache for that. But it's never going to be my reality and I can't take it out on other people who do have that. So I'll figure out a way to deal with this someday. I have no doubts about that. But I gotta tell you that sometimes I hate being so self-aware and understanding my deepest, innermost thoughts because I gotta deal with profound truths that are brutal, intense and challenging. I understand why they say ignorance is bliss. Sometimes I'd rather not know these things. But alas, I do know them and I do feel them and I do have to deal with them.

So here's the deal: I am jealous and resentful of so many of you who have your fathers. I admit it. But I will not take it out on you and I still got nothing but love for you. Just do me a favor though. Don't take him for granted. Cherish every moment you get with him. And for those of you out there like me who are having a rough time with Father's Day because you have lost him, I just want you to know that I feel your pain. I understand what you're going through and I wish I could make it better for you. I know I can't but I wish that for you. And just remember that we are all in this together. Even if we have never met, we have a close bond that will always bind us together. We will always love our daddies and one day, when God sees fit, we will be reunited and get all that we long for now.

Thanks for reading guys.
God bless
Hug your dads (and your moms for that matter)
Mel

Freedom of (Disagreement) Speech

Hello again,

I hope this day finds you well and surrounded by love, peace and hope. I don't think I have yet blogged about how much of a twitter junkie I am, but suffice it to say, I love being on twitter. It's fun. It's entertaining and it's cool to have a place like that to express yourself and meet many new and interesting people. And I also find it awesome to be able to follow somebody with opposite viewpoints as me and that we can converse about this or discuss our different opinions. I love debate. I think it's wonderful as a human being to be able to talk about those different perspectives that help define us as individuals. And to live in a country where freedom of speech and expression is allowed. But here's the thing about freedom of speech: it is a two way street. I far too often see somebody post something on their twitter feed that other people respond to with displeasure because they disagree. And then the poster replies back with am I not allowed an opinion or I have the freedom of speech to express whatever I want. And while that is true, the same is true for the other side. The people who disagree with you have the same freedom to express their opinion of what you said. Freedom of speech does NOT mean that everyone must agree with you or shut up and keep their opinions to themselves. That's just not the way it works. I find it utterly frustrating when I see this happen (and since I'm on twitter all the time, I see it a LOT) because that is not what freedom of speech is about. The truth behind the first amendment right to freedom of speech is that the government "shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech". That literally means that the government cannot tell you what you can't and can speak about. They can't censor you (unless you make real threats against government officials). So, does that say anywhere that I can tweet what I want and cannot have anybody disagree with me and tweet that back to me or tweet a rebuttal? Nope, it doesn't work that way. I get so tired of people being labeled haters or bullies for simply disagreeing with someone else's opinions. There is a HUGE difference between disagreeing and hate speech or being a bully. I can disagree with you but I will always respect you as a person because at the end of the day, we're both human beings and are far more similar than we are different. That's why I love debate. I love learning. I love gaining perspective. I may not share your views but I sure would love to try to discuss them civilly. I think a lot of this country's problem is that we as people get so offended at the very thought of an opposing viewpoint that we become defensive and close minded. Whether we are progressives or conservatives, we believe what we believe and if anyone dares disagree or question us, we feel threatened and as though we are being treated harshly. I think we all need to take a step back and try to do more listening and less talking. I was once told that the reason God gave us two ears and one mouth was because we needed to listen twice as much as we talked. True that! We get so caught up in trying to be right or prove our point that we fail to listen to the other person and just feel that we are "right" and they are "wrong". Well, we feel what we feel don't we? I don't necessarily believe that there is a right and wrong on most issues (there are exceptions of course). So let's sit down and listen-I mean really listen and not just hear the other person. Hearing is simply a physiolical skill that most of us have. Listening is a psychological skill that most of us have a hard time doing. When we think we're right, we don't want to hear anything else so we just block it out. But that doesn't teach us anything. That teaches us to remain ignorant and to live in our own little box where nobody ever disagrees or calls you out on anything. That stunts our growth. We don't all feel the same or look at things the same way. Imagine you are at a screening of a film and they show you one scene and want you to interpret what you've just seen. Do you really think that everyone would see it the same way? Would all of their interpretations be the same? Of course not. So why do we think that everyone will see things the same in life. And when you talk to somebody else at that screening who saw the scene a different way than you did, would you call them stupid or crazy or wrong because of what they saw? I doubt it. You'd be intrigued that they saw things the way they did and you would want to talk to them to get more of their thoughts on the subject. And  you may come away with a different perspective. You may not see what they see but you may have learned something. That's the way I try to approach everything in life. Not saying I'm perfect at it. There are times that I get frustrated with people who don't agree but I do my best to let that frustration pass and not let that get in the way of discussion. And I feel one of my strong points is my ability to detach my emotions from debate and just go on logic and I can see what the other side is saying. I am very firm and confident in my convictions but I am also not too stubborn or close minded to listen to another viewpoint. I am proud of that to be honest because people always tell me I'm a great listener and that I don't make them feel weird or ostracized or judged for feeling how they feel. I have an open mind and love open dialogue. My entire family, besides my brother who lives in Wisconsin, and most of my friends are staunch, hard core religious conservatives. I am not. But that doesn't keep me from talking to them about political or religious issues. I look forward to those conversations. For me, I care more about people being able to openly express their feelings and being a place they can go for that than I do about being right all the time. And I am glad that I can be that place for people. But again, I'm not sitting here rolling around in my perfection and slamming anyone else who may not be so open in their dialogue. It's not always really easy to do that. And let's be clear. I am for free speech and I openly exchange in dissenting dialogue. However, I do not and will not support hate speech or bullying of any kind. If I see that, I will call it out all the time no matter who is doing it or in what venue. There is a difference between a difference in opinion and bigotry. Bigotry cannot be tolerated. But it also can't always just be shut down either. Sometimes I do engage with bigoted points of view because I really want to try to make my point because I think maybe they just need to engage in an enriching debate. But what I've found out is you cannot argue with close minded, ignorant people. Their mind is made up and nothing I do or say will change it. So I simply pray for them. I do. I pray that they may find some answers and that they may open up their hearts and minds to the differences in the world because honestly, I feel sorry for them. To be that close hearted and closed off to anything that may vary from the way they see things has to make for a pretty miserable existence. So I just leave it to God. I can't change them. You can't change them. But God most certainly can. And so with that, I will leave you with this: free speech doesn't mean people have to be yes men who simply agree with everything you say. That doesn't make them a hater or a bully. It just makes them a unique person. Embrace that and do your best to open up the dialogue and step back from your own notions and opinions to listen to their side of the argument. In the end, it will make you a better person.

Until next time
All the best
Mel

Catching Up

Hey everybody,

I'm baaaaaaaccccck. Did you miss me? I'm sure you did and are now jumping up and down on your couch in your very own Tom Cruise moment of exhiliaration at my return to blogging. Sorry, I've been MIA. For somebody who loves writing as much as I do, you'd think I could keep up with this blog better. But, life has simply gotten in the way. Well, that's not true. I just have gotten in my own way and made the excuse that life has gotten in the way. And it's not that I have had nothing to say. Trust me, anybody who knows me can attest, I always have plenty to say. That's not the issue. I just haven't felt motivated and had no desire to write this blog. I have been writing though because I'm a writer. It's what I do. It's as much a part of me as the air I breathe. But it's been writing more poems, more plays and I've added something new to my repertoire-song lyrics. If only I were a musician, I could have some songs composed by now but since I am not, I have to settle for being a lyricist. Oh well, I guess I can't be everything lol. This new venture of writing for me is awesome because now I feel I can actually take the step and actually write a musical, which is something I've longed dreamed of doing but never had the confidence to actually try. Not any longer though. Now I believe I can and so I will try. Will I fail? Who the hell knows, but I'll never know unless I try.

So, what else have I been up to lately besides writing? Well, since you asked, I have found myself doing something I never really thought I'd do. I have become heavily involved in politics. Growing up, I always thought the most boring thing in the world was politics, but then again I also thought I was a Republican so that shows how much I knew when I was younger. So now that I have grown up and evolved, I realize just how much politics isn't boring and how much passion I have for it. I have been grassrooting for President Obama's re-election campaign since the early fall and that has been going pretty rough to be perfectly honest but it's not surprising at all. Let's consider the climate I live in. I live smack dab in the middle of republican country Indiana. I am literally almost the only Democrat I know in about a thirty mile radius (hyperbolic sure but you get the picture). I haven't got a lot of success but that's okay. It's not really about the money I end up fundraising to help ensure the best candidate for the oval office gets re-elected in November. It's about the fact that I am taking a chance and becoming involved and getting active in things I am passionate about. That's a HUGE statement for me because I used to always stand back in the shadows and stay silent for fear of being noticed and having my voice heard. I used to be so damn afraid of my convictions and how I felt that I would just let other people drown me out. Now, I don't stand on the sidelines. I don't let others drown me out. I refuse to stand back in the shadows and not be heard. I am letting my voice be heard and standing up for what I believe in. Some people agree with me. Some people don't. But I am not afraid of differing opinions or putting myself out there only to be rejected or ostracized even. That is something that five years ago would not have ever have happened. Shows such tremendous growth and courage on my part. I am so proud of myself for that.

Besides becoming more active politically, I am also more actively involved in another passion of mine, charitable causes. I have always had a passion for helping other people no matter how small it may have seemed. And now I have started to get out and become involved in the community. Whether it's donating blood or volunteering at Relay For Life and most recently, building for Habitat for Humanity, it's such a privilege for me to be a part of something that helps fellow citizens. I truly believe that we as human beings have a responsibililty to help each other out in any way we can. I believe for me personally that this is my purpose and calling in life (besides writing). I just volunteered to spend two days down in New Orleans with the St. Bernard Project to help build a home for people who have been without adequate housing since Hurricane Katrina. I can't help but feel excited about the chance to do this type of work, even if I have never really done too much building. With Habitat for Humanity, it's been more advocacy and monetary donations-not hands on. But I look forward to that experience and giving hope and help to a few people who have been living in hopelessness and helplessness for far too long.

And with that, I will close this blog out. I wish you all much peace and much love until the next time.

Mel