Lingering in the fast lane. Drinking out of the carton and not using a cup. Wearing socks with sandals. Saying supposably instead of supposedly. And the list goes on and on and on. What exactly am I talking about? These things I have listed above are all the things that drive me to the brink of insanity (as if I need any push to get there). These are just a few of my pet peeves. I seem to have a lot of them and to list them all would require many, many pages and lots of time that neither you guys have to read or I have to write. But there is one in particular I am going to bring up today. It could possibly be the biggest pet peeve of all time in my eyes. It is something that drives me beyond crazy and I just can't stand it.
So what am I talking about? It is when two people are in a relationship and one of the two is jealous of the other's relationship with a third party. For example, if a married man gets a young assistant who seems to hang around the man more than the wife deems appropriate. Instead of trusting her husband completely and having faith in him, she becomes insecure and lets that turn into jealousy which then feeds into resentment. That in turn makes the two argue. The woman becomes distant. The man gets frustrated and looks to an outsider for comfort, i.e. the third party that was just being a little overly friendly but now has become his confidante. Do you see my point? If you don't, let me make it simpler for you. The wife made the situation way worse because she became insecure of another woman. She starts to doubt her self and the love he has for her. So she sees the woman as a threat not realizing that the true threat is herself and her own insecurity. She blames the other woman for ruining her marriage or creating problems where there weren't any. But the truth is that if the wife were secure enough in her self and her marriage, she would not become jealous. So she makes it worse by becoming jealous. I am not saying that if the man goes too far with the other woman and is unfaithful, that the wife is to blame. However, the point I make here is that why rake coals over the fire, if there is indeed one. If you trust your partner, man or woman, you should not let it go any further.
So, in my longwinded and wordy example above, the pet peeve I am talking about that most annoys me is when a partner says to the other, I trust you, its him/her I don't trust. I may be old fashioned or crazy, or both, but trust is a black or white issue. You either trust someone or you don't. I don't give a fuck if you trust anyone else in the world. I don't care if this other woman in the above scenario parades around naked in front of the husband and purrs to him to have sex with her. If you trust him, then you will have the faith that if that happens, he will tell her no thanks and walk away. That is what it takes to have a true and everlasting relationship. The type of trust that is eternal and solid. It can't be shaken by anything, not even third party infatuation. I just believe with everything I have in me that the problem with so many relationships is that the trust isn't there. The trust is on shaky ground so anytime there is another woman or man in the picture, the insecurity and the doubts creep in which leads to trouble. I absolutely hate it when a woman or a man claims that "that person is trying to ruin my relationship". That is a cop out if I have ever heard one. There are only two people who can ruin any relationship. The two people involved. Outside forces can cause friction and tension yes. But ultimately, it is on the two individuals involved whether they make it or not. Whether they choose to trust each other implicitly and choose to stand firm in their belief in each other is the measure of if they will last. No one else can break that apart. They can crack the foundation and then wait for the two to implode (which is what will happen if jealousy and insecurity creep in).
The other pet peeve of mine that goes along with this is whenever a woman is labeled a homewrecker for ruining a man's marriage. Excuse me, but that is just ridiculous. It takes two to tango as they say and the man bares just as much of the burden as the woman does, if not more. The man is the one who took the vows to his wife. The man is the one who chose to give into his temptation and his desire to someone other than his wife. So forgive me if I don't look at the man as some innocent pawn in the evil vixen's scheme to break up his marriage. He did that on his own. As I said above, even if she traipses around naked in front of him, he has the choice to stay faithful and walk away. He has the choice to prove you right when you trust him with all you have. He has the choice to break his vows. That woman did not say those words to you and promise all those things in front of everyone like he did. If my husband (if I ever decide to get married that is) or boyfriend ever cheats on me, he will face my wrath far more than the woman. I don't care about the woman to be frank. She is just an excuse he can use to try to explain away his behavior or to make the bad choice he made more redeemable. Well it won't work on me. I don't fall for that stuff. In my opinion, he chose to betray me for sex. Anything else he says is just bullshit. And that is all there is to it. So tell me how is the woman the homewrecker in this equation? The man and the woman are just as responsible. You can't have sex by yourself (well you can but that is for a totally different discussion). I just refuse to buy that the woman should bare any more responsibility than the man who should be held just as accountable. It is such nonsense to hear the term homewrecker, even if the woman intended to steal the husband. Even if she did everything she could to "ensnare him in her web", if he doesn't fall for it, it won't matter. She will fail. So ultimately, the true homewrecker in my opinion is the husband. But I better re phrase this whole thing right now since I don't want to be unfair or sexist. Women also cheat on their husbands. And if that is the situation, then the woman is a homewrecker because she stepped out on her husband and betrayed his trust, thereby breaking up not only the marriage, but the home. But that is the only time a woman could be considered a homewrecker. And honestly, I hate the term homewrecker all together. But if you are going to use that name, use it when it will make sense, and use it fairly to describe the cheating spouse, not the third party.
Those are the two biggest pet peeves EVER in my honest opinion. For some reason, society just doesn't see it the same way I do. But I have never played by society's rules so why the hell start now?
Until next time,
Happy Holidays
Mel
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