Today, or rather, yesterday as I currently sit writing this at nearly two a.m. but January 10,2011 will go down in history as one of the most amazing days of my life. It will be a day that I look back upon so fondly and recollect on what it felt like to see one of my dreams, to witness one of my goals I had set long ago, become a reality. I will never forget this day because that is the day I became a writer. Well, a PUBLISHED writer anyway. My book of poetry that is 101 pages full of my life and my journey was put out to the masses for them to see it, to read it, and maybe just maybe be inspired by it in some way. I sit here right now with a huge smile on my face and an even larger feeling of contentment in my heart because of what this book signifies to me. I never really thought about being a writer growing up. I never thought that anything I wrote would one day be put on display for others to read. I just knew I had to get my feelings out and let my voice be heard, even if it was silent to everyone but me. I remember late at night I would wake up and grab a pen and paper and just start writing because the idea came and it came fast and furiously and it made me wake up and put it down immediately. I remember that writing was my respite, my refuge, my sanctuary and my salvation. I was so closed off to the rest of the world and lost and scared that the only escape I had was through the pen. I don't know where I would be without the ability to write. Growing up, it was the ONLY thing that kept me grounded and kept me sane. I bring this up because as I sit here thinking about what just happened to me, it almost seems unreal in a way because I never really wrote the things I did to get it published. In fact, in the past, sharing my writings would have scared the shit out of me. I would never have the balls to reveal myself to people in this way I have done with this book. I would not have had the strength to put this book out if this had been three years ago. But once again, I have to re iterate that I have transformed and matured and become such a different person and due to that, I am now a published author. I don't even care if I sell more than 5 copies (although I better because I have 5 siblings and a mother). I don't care if it becomes a best seller. I don't care if people recognize my name in places other than my hometown. I just care that I published some of my work. It has my name on it and someone can buy that book, read it and possibly walk away from reading the words I wrote due to my own experiences and become different. Maybe they will gain a new found sense of strength and self-awareness that makes them walk away and go after their goals and chase their dreams the same way I have in the past few months. I honestly don't give a shit if I gain a single dollar from this publication. I simply want to inspire people and to make them feel something. And with this book, it is way more possible than not. Maybe I will never get another book published and I may never get much fame, if any. And I don't care about that stuff at all. All of that stuff is just labels and I don't waste my time chasing that irrelevant stuff. I just want to change the world. And maybe that is a foolish pipe dream of an idealistic dreamer, but change has to start with yourself and then through that change, you can reach others by telling your story and sharing your feelings. Some of those poems I wrote that are in this book are deep and dark and were written during very dark and bleak times of my life. I was in severe pain and hurt deeply and anyone who reads the words will be able to see that pain and hurt in each line on the page. And the anger will seep out of the book at times. It was hard to write the words but it was necessary for my health, for my sanity and for my survival. I wrote everything down and no matter how scary it was, I was honest because my biggest and best friend growing up was the pen and the paper I used to write all this heavy stuff down. And if I am being totally honest, I am terrified in a way to put my words out there for others to read because to reveal yourself truly and honestly and to be completely open about all of the thoughts I had growing up is absolutely TERRIFYING. But to put this book out there and make it available to others is huge for me as it helps me gain even more strength and even more belief in myself. I know that I can do anything and I can reach any goal I set for myself. This book is more than just a stepping stone for me and my passion. This book is a realization of myself that everything I went through and all that pain is worth every ounce I went through if it means I can get someone else to reveal themselves and not be afraid any longer. If I can make anyone go out and make the conscious choice to become better and get inspired to step out into the light and away from the darkness they have been in their whole life, that knowledge will be far more valuable than all the royalty fees I could ever accrue. I am so proud to have done something like this and I hope you all go out and buy yourself a copy of this book but not for any other reason than you may get inspired by it and there is no better gift in the world than to be inspired. And that is the most profound feeling I can ever have to know that I inspired some one. My legacy is my writing and with everything I write, I am writing my history and creating a lasting legacy that will last for many years after I take my final breath.
Until next time,
Mel
P.S. If any of you are interested in buying my book Lamentations of an Idealistic Individual please go to this website
www.xlibris.com/LamentationsofanIdealisticIndividual.html or you can go to my website www.xlibris.com/Knepp.html
Many thanks to any and all of you who helped me along this process. Words are my forte and my passion and yet I can't think of any to truly describe what your love and support has meant to me on this journey. I love you all.
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