Why it's more than just a game to me

Hey everyone! How's it going wherever you are in the world? I hope it's all good and if it's not, just hang in there cause it will get better. It's just a temporary setback. For myself, I'm doing fantabulously well. I am very very VERY happy because my beloved St. Louis Cardinals are National League Champs for this year!! What an incredible run they are on right now to go from being dead in the water at 10 1/2 games back at the beginning of September to playing in yet another Fall Classic this season. It is an amazing, and unbelivable run. I am one of the most loyal, die hard and devoted Cards fan there is but even I am amazed and shocked at how the last few weeks have turned out. I admit I had no faith this team would make the playoffs. I was sure they were done. I was positive that all of us in Cardinal nation would have to wait until next year for another chance. And I could not be more happy to be wrong.I hate being wrong but in this case, I am damn proud to be wrong!!! I am so happy for this team and for all of the fans of this incredible team and organization. What an amazing ride to be on! And I feel so blessed to be able to see yet another pennant be one this year. That makes 3 in 8 years. That's not something that happens very often with too many fans. It's special and I don't forget that as I go through this enjoyment of rooting on this team I love so well. And I tell you all this so I can tell you the following story of just why I love the baseball in general, the Cardinals in particular and why I always cry when they do so well.

My father loved baseball. He was a very modest, soft spoken, even keeled man who worked hard and supported his family. And he didn't have too much time of leisure. But when he did have that time, he enjoyed baseball. And his favorite team was the St. Louis Cardinals. And so I was a fan by birthright. I didn't choose to be a Red Bird fan. I was born into it. Some of my earliest childhood memories are of listening to Jack Buck every night as he did the play by play of the Cards. I would fall asleep listening to his one of a kind, incredibly brilliant baseball voice. (and when I was younger I NEVER stayed awake for the whole game). My brother and I would each grab a pillow and curl up on the bed and listen to the broadcast after we did our homework and after I'd fall asleep in my brother's room, my mom would yell for me a few hours later and I'd go up to bed. I remember that the teams back then in the early 90s weren't very good even though they had the Wizard but it didn't matter to me. I just remember always being excited to listen to the Cards story that night as told to me by Jack Buck. My father couldn't listen to many of the games because he worked the night shifts and wasn't around a radio very often but he would always somehow know what happened in each game and how well the team played. (I found out later that he had snuck a radio in with him and would listen to the games while he was working). We never got to go to a baseball game at Busch Stadium, my father and I. You see, he died when I was eight. It was sudden and unexpected. It was surreal to go through that. I was only eight and had lost my father. And in those next few months and years, I struggled greatly as did my other siblings and my mother. We couldn't hardly bear the pain and agony at times. But in those hard times, I know I found comfort listening to the Cardinals on the radio. I know my brother did too. And I know it may sound crazy but it was as if we would get lost in the game for a few hours and get so caught up in that world of baseball that everything else would just fall away and be forgotten. Even though I loved my father and missed him greatly, whenever I would hear a Cardinal game it would relax me. It would calm me. It would soothe me. And it would even make me smile at times. I remember finally going to a game at Busch. It was so amazing. I can still feel the excitement of actually seeing a game live and living the action in person. That is something I will not soon, if ever, forget. And through my love of baseball, my love of other sports began. I started to find such passion and love in all things sport whether it be football, basketball, hockey. It didn't matter then, just as it doesn't matter now, what sport it was. If it was a sport, I'd play it or I'd watch it. I was a huge tomboy growing up. I'd always much rather be outside with my brothers and the boys than inside with my sisters and my mother. I have grown out of that a little bit, but my love for sports is still strong and runs deep. And at the very core of that love is my love of baseball. It's my first love. I have loved it and been interested in it since before I can really even remember. I don't ever remember not loving baseball and not loving the Cardinals. I have always lived and breathed Cardinal baseball from March to September (with hopes of it stretching into October) and then talking about it in the offseason. I still to this day find the same comfort and relaxation in following this sport (even though during the playoffs I develop all kinds of ulcers). And the reason why the sport matters to me so much and why I have so much passion and devotion for the Red Birds is because it brought me close to my brothers and my father. I never really got to know my father. I was barely eight when he died and he worked a LOT and I went to school and time just never seemed to be something we had a vast supply of. But I know he loved baseball and he loved the St. Lous Cardinals and he loved his family. So for me, any time the Cardinals play, it's not just a game. It's more. It's feeling that connection to my father. I still feel him so very close to me and I can still hear him cheering any time the Cards make a great play. And I wish so much that he could have been around to see them win the pennants and I especially wish he could have seen them win it all in '06 because if he had time on his side, he would have only been 62 that year. Some men would have been blessed with that many years. But God didn't see fit for my dad to live to see the seasons of glory the Cardinals have had this century. That's okay. I don't question it. God has a plan for everything.And I know my dad can still see the games and I have no doubt what he's witnessed this year has made him the life of the party up there in Heaven. He's probably pissing off all the Cubs fans up there. (oh well dad, let them have it). And as for me, I am gonna root for the Cardinals in the series this year just as I have rooted for them the past 26 years of my existence-with intense passion and total devotion. Go Cards!!!! Bring home another WS title! And daddy, don't stop cheering them on. I don't think you can get a hoarse throat in heaven. (but I'll be sure to get one down here for both of us)

Until next time
Keep the faith and don't ever give up
Mel

I just wanna live

Hey everybody. Yep, its been awhile. I am having way more difficulty keeping up with this blog than I thought I would. But that's life. I have been super busy doing lots of different things going lots of different places and just enjoying every moment. Which is the subject of today's blog. It's about life and learning to appreciate each and every moment, both good and bad because it's all we get. And as I have grown and matured, I have come to understand the following.I don't want to die.I don't. But even more than that,I don't want to not live life and experience it to the fullest.And I mean experience all of it.
Immense pain. Intense joy.
Immeasurable sadness.
Indescribable beauty.
Passion. Pride. Hope.
Disgust. Anguish. Anger.
I want to feel it all
And I will take the bad with the good
And the pain with the joy
And the sorrow with the happiness.
And all take my failures along with my successes.
Because the beautiful,yet frustrating thing
about life is this;
We can never truly appreciate the joy without
also experiencing sorrow
There is no way of truly being happy without going through sadness
Without first experiencing disappointment we never truly feel satisfaction.
Without first failing, we never know true success
If we never go through the darkness
We can't appreciate the glow of the light
If we don't lose, we wont truly appreciate and enjoy when we win.
That is the honest and brutal truth
We can settle for playing it safe and just getting by
And let our fear overwhelm us and overtake us
Let that fear consume us and keep us from going for what we want and strive for
Or we can let go of the fear, have faith and just go for it. Maybe its dangerous and maybe I'll die in the process of going after it
And I don't want to die
But even more than that, I don't want to not live. I don't want to live in fear and play it safe. I dont want to live the next fifty years settling for less and living in predictable safety. I don't wanna waste another minute being scared of going after what I dream and reaching for all my potential. That is gonna lead to regret and living with regret and the constant question of what might have been and if only is a fate far worse than death. I'd rather die today living life to the fullest and experiencing it all than living to be a hundred without ever taking a chance. Life is a high risk high reward. Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose: but if you never play the game, you will ALWAYS lose. And that's unacceptable and inexcusable to me. Life is too precious of a commodity to waste on any investment  that is less than fulfilling. I don't even mean fulfilling as in successful and winning either. I think failure is just as important as success. What better way to get motivated to win than by losing. It's not about whether I'll fail or fall down, that will happen. It matters how many times I am willing to get back up and face the challenge. Adversity will strike. Character is born and created in the face of that adversity. How will I handle myself? That's when I will reveal my true self. And in those moments I strive to do my best. And to learn and attain as much knowledge as I can. Life is about growth and adaptation. It's about how much you are willing to focus, to listen, to understand, and to use everything you've learned to change yourself and better yourself so that you can help others as much and as often as you can. I want to do that. I want to help people and give to others as much as I can. I want to go as many places as I can, meet as many people as I can and live as much as I can. I want to feel enthusiasm and passion in all that I do and say and I want to always feel. Whether it's pain or joy, happiness or sadness, anger or contentment , I want to feel something always. And I always want to seize the day and live in each moment. Cause life is simply a series of many moments linked together like a chain and once you go through that moment, it passes on down the line-unable to be replicated or repeated. So in my life I'm gonna strive to always seize the day,live not just for today but for this moment, and never play it safe or settle for less than what I deserve. No I don't want to die. I want to live....until I die.

And until next time,
living life as it comes and breathing it all in
Mel