An American Tragedy

I am sure by now all of you guys are aware of what took place out in Tucson on Saturday. I am also sure you have seen all the news programming, no matter which station you watch, full of people giving their opinions on why it happened and who is to blame for it (other than the alledged gunman himself). There is a new debate going on about gun control, hate speech masked as political campaigning, and whether the gunman was a liberal or conservative (as if that really matters). And I have watched all of this and read the online stories and have come to this conclusion. This world is filled with hate. It is filled with anger. And it is filled with rage. And it is what breeds all this violence. I used to ask myself where does all the evil come from and I would have people tell me that some people are just born bad. But I don't believe that people are by nature good or evil. I don't think any of us are born to be one or the other. I think we all possess the ability to do wonderful and amazingly good things and we also possess the ability to do horrible, destructive and violent things. I know we have all felt anger and rage and even hate at times and yet some of us, or to be correct, most of us never actually carry out violent acts of aggression and unspeakable evil on others. Why is that? I don't understand why we don't all react to the same rhetoric of the politicians the same. We all hear it and we all see it but not all of us go out and do what this gunman did. And the fact of the matter is, what happened in Arizona on Saturday is just one of many far too often occurrences of gun violence in this country. And that brings up this point. Why does America seem to be the only country in the world where so many gun related crimes occur? Why does it seem that we have so much more shootings and so much more violence that involves guns? Is it because we have more hatred and rage inside of us than other nations? Is it because we don't have strict enough gun laws to keep this from happening? Is it because our political system is becoming about hating anyone who happens to have the opposite point of view? Where did all this hatred come from and how can we get it to end? I really don't know for sure. Yes, I have my suspicions and my theories but I don't know for sure. All any of us can really do is speculate. I am not sure we can label this alledged killer as either a fundamental right wing nut or a fundamentalist left wing nut as he was a registered independent who didn't even vote in the latest election. I think he was just a delusional and mentally unbalanced kid who slipped through the cracks of society like so many do. I believe many can take some blame in this tragedy indirectly. The politicians for their incitement and their rhetoric in their ads that they mask as campaign strategy. The talk show hosts, both on radio and television who spew hate speech and violent rhetoric to anybody who dares to disagree with their opinions and therefore, they are wrong and evil or Nazis or anti-American. They don't have any sense of compromise at all. They are right and you either agree or get labeled all these nasty things. The thing these guys and gals have to understand is they are in the public eye and everything they say can create motivation for people. And as I pointed out above, many of us simply agree or disagree with what they say and it may make us angry but not to the point of going to get a gun and loading it up and then shooting a place up to make a point or some sort of bizarre statement. But there are some that will do that. And it is imperative that the people in these positions, such as politicians and tv and radio hosts and even news commentators, understand that words do matter and that they can be the most dangerous weapon a person possesses. To some people, they will take every word they say as true and literal and will go out and feel as if they were told to do it. I am not sure that that theory applies in this situation as I think this shooter just wanted to do something that got him recognized because he has been invisible his whole life and he wanted to be seen and heard. He was not a liberal or conservative. He was just an unstable person who needed help and never got that help. And there is where more blame lies. The education system let this kid down. They realized he had some mental issues and they realized he needed some help but they only suggested it to the parents if he wanted to return to school. They didn't say your son needs some help and we fear that he is a danger to himself and others. They simply suggested it and not very emphatically. They let him fall through the cracks as a student as well. I have read that he seemed to believe he was very intelligent and was above others in his literacy but after seeing some of his supposed videos on Youtube, I believe he was actually on the lower side of literacy and was not very educated at all. It is my personal opinion that he has some type of learning disorder as well. To watch his videos on Youtube, they seem to be nonsensical ramblings but they do have a message in them. It is just not a very complex one. He needed help and I feel sad that he never got the help but at the end of the day, he has to be willing to accept the help. But the fact that no one offered him any is the part that bothers me. I truly wish when people say after the fact that he was acting strange or he seemed a little off that they would step up and say that at the time. It always seem to be brought up after the disturbing act of violence how unstable the assailant seemed. So there is a lesson to be learned as well. I just feel that we as a country have to choose right now at this moment to stand up together and forget all the labels of democrat, republican, liberal, conservative, and not worry about who is right or wrong and just be united in this cause to stop all this senseless and disgusting violence that citizens carry out against their own. We can do it but we have to stop all the rhetoric and the rest of the bullshit to do it. Let us all do it for those victims lost, not just in Arizona on Saturday, but for all victims of these types of brutal and unnecessary crimes throughout history. And if we can do that, then we can stop all the madness once and for all. That is my American dream that I hope everyone shares (and at least respects)

Keeping all the victims and the shooter himself in my thoughts and prayers
Until next time
Let's spread love, not hate
Mel

The Fulfillment of a Dream

Today, or rather, yesterday as I currently sit writing this at nearly two a.m. but January 10,2011 will go down in history as one of the most amazing days of my life. It will be a day that I look back upon so fondly and recollect on what it felt like to see one of my dreams, to witness one of my goals I had set long ago, become a reality. I will never forget this day because that is the day I became a writer. Well, a PUBLISHED writer anyway. My book of poetry that is 101 pages full of my life and my journey was put out to the masses for them to see it, to read it, and maybe just maybe be inspired by it in some way. I sit here right now with a huge smile on my face and an even larger feeling of contentment in my heart because of what this book signifies to me. I never really thought about being a writer growing up. I never thought that anything I wrote would one day be put on display for others to read. I just knew I had to get my feelings out and let my voice be heard, even if it was silent to everyone but me. I remember late at night I would wake up and grab a pen and paper and just start writing because the idea came and it came fast and furiously and it made me wake up and put it down immediately. I remember that writing was my respite, my refuge, my sanctuary and my salvation. I was so closed off to the rest of the world and lost and scared that the only escape I had was through the pen. I don't know where I would be without the ability to write. Growing up, it was the ONLY thing that kept me grounded and kept me sane. I bring this up because as I sit here thinking about what just happened to me, it almost seems unreal in a way because I never really wrote the things I did to get it published. In fact, in the past, sharing my writings would have scared the shit out of me. I would never have the balls to reveal myself to people in this way I have done with this book. I would not have had the strength to put this book out if this had been three years ago. But once again, I have to re iterate that I have transformed and matured and become such a different person and due to that, I am now a published author. I don't even care if I sell more than 5 copies (although I better because I have 5 siblings and a mother). I don't care if it becomes a best seller. I don't care if people recognize my name in places other than my hometown. I just care that I published some of my work. It has my name on it and someone can buy that book, read it and possibly walk away from reading the words I wrote due to my own experiences and become different. Maybe they will gain a new found sense of strength and self-awareness that makes them walk away and go after their goals and chase their dreams the same way I have in the past few months. I honestly don't give a shit if I gain a single dollar from this publication. I simply want to inspire people and to make them feel something. And with this book, it is way more possible than not. Maybe I will never get another book published and I may never get much fame, if any. And I don't care about that stuff at all. All of that stuff is just labels and I don't waste my time chasing that irrelevant stuff. I just want to change the world. And maybe that is a foolish pipe dream of an idealistic dreamer, but change has to start with yourself and then through that change, you can reach others by telling your story and sharing your feelings. Some of those poems I wrote that are in this book are deep and dark and were written during very dark and bleak times of my life. I was in severe pain and hurt deeply and anyone who reads the words will be able to see that pain and hurt in each line on the page. And the anger will seep out of the book at times. It was hard to write the words but it was necessary for my health, for my sanity and for my survival. I wrote everything down and no matter how scary it was, I was honest because my biggest and best friend growing up was the pen and the paper I used to write all this heavy stuff down. And if I am being totally honest, I am terrified in a way to put my words out there for others to read because to reveal yourself truly and honestly and to be completely open about all of the thoughts I had growing up is absolutely TERRIFYING. But to put this book out there and make it available to others is huge for me as it helps me gain even more strength and even more belief in myself. I know that I can do anything and I can reach any goal I set for myself. This book is more than just a stepping stone for me and my passion. This book is a realization of myself that everything I went through and all that pain is worth every ounce I went through if it means I can get someone else to reveal themselves and not be afraid any longer. If I can make anyone go out and make the conscious choice to become better and get inspired to step out into the light and away from the darkness they have been in their whole life, that knowledge will be far more valuable than all the royalty fees I could ever accrue. I am so proud to have done something like this and I hope you all go out and buy yourself a copy of this book but not for any other reason than you may get inspired by it and there is no better gift in the world than to be inspired. And that is the most profound feeling I can ever have to know that I inspired some one. My legacy is my writing and with everything I write, I am writing my history and creating a lasting legacy that will last for many years after I take my final breath.

Until next time,
Mel

P.S. If any of you are interested in buying my book Lamentations of an Idealistic Individual please go to this website

www.xlibris.com/LamentationsofanIdealisticIndividual.html or you can go to my website www.xlibris.com/Knepp.html

Many thanks to any and all of you who helped me along this process. Words are my forte and my passion and yet I can't think of any to truly describe what your love and support has meant to me on this journey. I love you all.