Why I Still Believe

I hope that this finds all of you with good health and good spirits. I am sitting here right now consumed with many conflicting feelings and thoughts on the recent revelation from Lance Armstrong that he did indeed use PEDs and did dope as he has been accused of for so many years. I, for one, have been adamant about his innocence until being proven guilty and since he has now admitted it with his own lips, I will say that day has arrived. He was guilty. I admit, I am shaken by this because I have considered him to be on e of my greatest inspirations and have such immense fondness for him and looked at his seven Tour de France titles after beating cancer as the ultimate success story. So yes, I am shaken. And I am disappointed. There are no excuses to be found. I am not going to make excuses or try and find justification or anything of the sort. He was dead wrong. Speaking as someone who has steadfastly supported and offered unwavering faith in him and his accomplishments, I sit here disheartened dismayed at the recent admission that all of his success in his sport of cycling is tainted  and so much of what has inspired people has been a lie. I am saddened yes. I am disappointed in his horrific mistakes yes. But I am not turning my back and walking away and cursing his name and shaking my head in utter disgust at ever believing in him or being inspired by him. Like I said above, I have---present tense—an immense fondness and admiration for him, and that is still there as I write this. And this is what I am saying in this particular post. I am still behind Lance. I am still a fan. I guess it just comes down to this for me: I am not the kind of person to just cut and run like that. I understand people being angry and they are justified in that anger. I understand them cursing his name and spitting on his legacy (aside from the whole making fun of him having one testicle thing—more on that later). It’s understandable. But I’m just not that way. I don’t know. Maybe I’m too naïve or too optimistic in the eyes of some. But I simply refuse to throw someone completely under the bus because they’ve made some atrociously awful decisions: playing millions of people for fools, bullying those who tried to bring the truth to light into paying him money (this is the worst offense of his in my opinion) and who went along with the culture of cheating and lying when he could have and should have tried to stop it. I don’t believe for one second that he was the only one to do this unethical and shameful behavior. And there is no way I will be convinced that he was able to get away with what he did by being this Mafioso type individual. It is far too rampant and the sport of cycling far too saturated for it to be only Lance Armstrong who did it. That is why I get his statement that he didn’t start the culture but he did nothing to stop it. Yes he did as did so many others in the sport. It’s obvious to me that the only way this type of cheating could go on for so long and be so extravagant was if there was corruption at the top that trickled down to the athletes. Lance himself says he did it with no fear of being caught. Why? Because he knew he could do it and there was no incentive to not do it if you could do it and get away with it. No, that is not an excuse or a reason. But that is a fact. As he also said, cheating is when you give yourself an advantage over others that don’t have the same advantage. That is technically not true at all in this case. Many other cyclists doped and used PEDs. He was the best at it. In a world full of dopers, he was the best of the bunch. And I also don’t believe that he forced anyone else to take any illegal substance. These are grown adults. If they didn’t want to take them, nobody could force them. Did he maybe encourage it and influence them to do it, yes but there is no way he can be blamed for others choosing to go down the same route. As I said, the culture was everywhere and everyone involved is to be blamed for their own choices to either sit back and silently let it happen or to partake in it. Nobody gets off the hook from me because they blew the whistle or because they were “bullied, harassed, or forced”. I call epic bullshit on that as an excuse. It seems that cycling is very much like baseball. Corruption and greed became more important than winning the right way. Winning at all costs to make the most money was what motivated everyone involved. And they all must face the consequences of their actions, of their poor choices and of their lies. But I also believe in redemption. I believe that anyone can overcome mistakes from their past. I don’t believe, I absolutely refuse to believe, that we are defined by our pasts and our mistakes. I know many people will always define Lance Armstrong as a cheat, a liar and a disgrace. But I don’t and I won’t. He’s much more than that to me. I still stand by him and with him. And before everyone starts screaming at me or rolling their eyes at me, let me explain why. Because he is not the product of these inexcusable, unacceptable, atrocious mistakes he has made. He’s more than that. To me, he is a survivor. This man survived cancer and no matter what else he has done, or what sins he has committed, that takes tremendous courage, strength and passion. I applaud him for looking the devastating demon that is cancer right in the face and fighting it and winning. He was up against the odds and he came out on the other side. He struggled with it but he survived. And I also see a man who has given so much hope and so much compassion to others who have also struggled and been affected by cancer. His LIVESTRONG foundation is an extraordinarily beautiful thing. It should not ever be torn down or thrown into the same place as his tainted professional cycling career. They are completely separate of each other. It’s not okay to diminish what he has done in the area of cancer research or what he has done with his own personal battle with cancer just because of the sins he committed while on a bicycle.  I’m not suggesting that he be forgiven simply because of these things. I am just pointing out that not everything that is associated with him is shameful or is a lie. Don’t take out the obvious anger and frustration you have on his professional sins on the other private and wonderfully positive things he has done.  When I see that people withdraw their support of LIVESTRONG it honestly makes me upset. I mean it is well within their rights to do that but to withdraw support of an extremely positive organization that helps so many people around the globe simply because of certain bad things the founder has done is not okay with me. I know that the foundation goes on with another CEO. I understand that. But some people will forever associate that organization with cheating, lying and unethical behavior and to me that’s the equivalent of blaming a child for the sins of their father. They are not the same. Please don’t treat them as such. I was inspired by Lance and his story. I still am today even as I sit here disappointed in his choices to dope and lie. While yes it does change some things in my mind, it does not change others. I still support him. I still want to see him succeed and spread his story of survival to those who are currently struggling with cancer. I want to see him redeem himself somehow. I know he  has a long uphill climb and that some people will never forgive him and that is their right. But for me, I just refuse to turn away from somebody I admire and have been  inspired by due to very very poor choices he has made. I am a very loyal person. Anyone who knows me knows this. I will walk with you and beside you no matter what and I will go to the farthest reaches of hell and back for you. It’s one of my greatest qualities, but it can be a fault too in the eyes of others, especially in times such as these. But I just believe that people are inherently good and that even though they can do some incredibly bad things, they still have the ability to be good and do good and that they are not just all the mistakes they’ve made. It’s easy to love someone when the road is straight and the sun is shining and there are no obstacles in the way. The challenge is after the road starts to get curvy and the storm rages on and the walls of obstacles begin to mount. I always believed what my psychology professor said: loving somebody means knowing the worst thing they’ve ever done or thought about doing and choosing to love them anyway. I agree and it’s how I live my life. I choose to keep on loving someone even when they show themselves to be full of mistakes. That’s what unconditional means. My faith has been shaken with this news I admit. But to come back to that faith even after doubting it, means the faith was worth it in the end. I also believe that faith is not faith until tested. I am not trying to wax poetic about things here. My whole point of this is not to change anyone’s minds about how to feel about the recent events or to change their minds about what they think about Lance. I am simply expressing to everyone why I still choose to love and admire him. Even though I could have thrown in the towel, I just refuse to be that way. It’s not in my nature. I am a forgiving person who believes in redemption and second chances. Not just for him but for myself and for all of us out there. I always choose to believe in success stories like Lance’s. I always have. I am not gullible like some would like to say. I am not that cynical. I refuse to let my faith in people be destroyed by things like this. It’s smart to be slightly skeptical but also faithful. Too many times today, too many people become far too cynical and lack faith in anyone or anything. They say it’s because events like this make them that way, I say it only does if you let it. Being cynical is easy. Lord knows it is. Being faithful takes so much more work and more inherent risk. But I will always choose being faithful over cynical. Always. And as for the whole making fun of him for having one testicle thing, that is truly disgusting. There are many many things that you can get after for and rightly so but that is absolute bush league. The man had cancer and had to have a testicle removed. That is not something to joke about or to insult him with. It’s not something that I will ever allow to be said in my presence. And anyone who says anything like that will be called out for it. It’s the equivalent of  a woman having breast cancer, getting a mastectomy, and then somebody decides to insult her by using that against her. Like I said, you can say a lot of things about this man that will be irrefutable and relevant. But that’s one thing from his past that is off limits.  Now I don’t really care if you agree with anything else I’ve said in this post but I would hope you would agree with me on that. But I would like to close this post up by saying this: Lance, I still love and admire you. I forgive you. I still believe in you. And to all those who don’t agree, please remember this is the world according to me.

Peace, love and pina coladas to all

Mel